Party Animal Farm
by Lady Salmakia
Summary: A satire on satire? Salmakia's sunk to a new low. I'd put this in the 1984 section since it's all Orwell, but it's too stupid.


Author's Note: So it's not really based on Animal farm, just us geeks who want to overthrow our evil monarch of a principal. I have changed names to protect the innocent, the not-so-innocent and the just plain stupid, though the first letter of everyone's name remains the same. I've been in the revolutionary spirit for weeks. 24601!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Animal Farm, George Orwell or his estate do. I don't own any of these historical figures or Les Mis. I am not Jean Valjean, or Saint-Just. Please don't sue me!  
  
"I think we need to institute communism at this school," Jane said.  
"We shall overthrow Tsar Jones!" I cried. I had recently become a socialist. I guess AP European History was getting to me.  
"Great! How do we start?"  
"You'll be Lenin. I'll be Trotsky, and we'll need an angry mob, a proletariat."  
Chad walked over.  
"We're starting the Bolshevik revolution. She's Lenin. I'm Trotsky. Want to be an angry peasant?"  
"I'm Stalin, or God."  
"Ok, you can be Stalin."  
"Ok, we have our three leaders. We need a proletariat! What good is a communist takeover if there isn't a working class?" Jane said.  
We were joined at our table by George, Mary and Cody. Mary sat down next to Chad and proceeded to flirt with him. Cody and George joined Jane and me.  
"Do you guys want to be part of the Bolskiveck revolution? She's Lenin. I'm Trotsky and Chad is Stalin."  
"Can I be part of the Cuban missile crisis?""This is the Bolskiveck revolution of 1917! The Cuban missile crisis was in the 60's!"  
"But Stalin wasn't part of the revolution."  
"But he was still part of it."  
"No he wasn't!"  
"Ok he wasn't, but he was still closely involved."  
"What can I be?" asked Cody.  
"Will you be an angry peasant? We need a proletariat!"  
"I don't want to be a proletariat! They always get screwed over."  
"Yes, that's why no one wants to be them, but we still need angry peasants!"  
"Mary, do you want to be an angry peasant?" Jane asked.  
"No. I want to be my own person."  
We gave up on Mary. She's a complete ditz. Chad was ignoring her. We were then joined by Catlin and Samantha.  
"Hi Catlin. Hi Samantha," we all called.  
"Hi guys! What's going on?" Catlin asked.  
"We're planning the Bolshevik revolution. You're an angry peasant." Jane said."I don't want to be part of a revolution. What are we revolting about."  
"Against Tsar Jones! Death to Tyrants! Peace, Bread and Land!" I cried.  
"I like Mr. Jones."  
"You would..."  
"We'll be anti-rebellion," Samantha said.  
"Blasted counter revolutionaries..." I grumbled.  
"We need a secret police," Jane observed.  
"D.V. can head that. She'd be good at that."  
"Yes! D.V. would be good at that! But what about Joe?"  
"Joanne the pretty, pretty drag queen? He can help D.V. with the secret police."  
"I never figured out why you guys call him that," Cody commented.  
"You remember the Snicker's commercial with the panda, and that guy singing?" I asked.  
"Um..."  
"You know the one that goes, 'Look at me! I'm so pretty! Look at this! Pretty, Pretty dancing...Pretty, Pretty dancing..."  
"What does that have to do with Joe?"  
"Well...he did it really well in a high-pitched voice, and I'd been watching Too Wong Foo: Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar a lot. Joe by day, Joanne by night."  
"Oh...""We still don't have a proletariat!" Jane exclaimed.  
"What good is a Marxian uprising without an angry mob of workers? This is a pointless revolution."  
"I dare you to get up on the table and say 'Peace, Bread and Land'!"  
"I double-dare you! You're Lenin! That's your slogan.""You're my orator."  
"I'm not saying it. Tsar Jones will have me executed. He's over there. You can tell old T.W. by his shiny head."  
"What'd T.W. stand for?" Mary asked.  
"Turtle Wax. I also call him Robespierre, Salmon Pâté, Big Brother and Darth Vader."  
Jane, Cody, George and I broke into an impromptu rendition of "Vader's Theme".  
"Where did that come from?" asked Chad.  
"He was wearing all black one day, and he's a tyrant...it just fits..." Jane said.  
"We can't have a communist takeover without a proletariat! I give up." I cried in despair.  
"Why don't we do something else?" Jane asked.  
"How about the French Revolution. You always liked the French Revolution." Catlin added helpfully.  
"If we do the French Revolution, I get to be Saint-Just!"  
"I'm Robespierre!" Chad called.  
"I'm not playing to your Robespierre! I refuse to be your right-hand man, woman, whatever..."  
"Then I'm God."  
"I swear, for an atheist you're really obsessed with God."  
"Not with God, BEING God."  
"Shut up."  
"I want to be the executioner!" Jane said.  
"Can I be Robespeirre?" George asked.  
"Sure," I said. "It'll be easier to get Sans-Culottes than it will be to get Russian peasants. People will want to be Sans-Culottes."  
"True!"  
"I can't wait for the Reign of Terror..." Chad cackled evilly.  
"24601!" I yelled for all the world to hear.  
"Shut up..." they all said to me.  
"You just don't have the proper revolutionary spirit. 24601! Down with King Louis Jones XVI! We shall march on Versailles the Principal's Office!" I said.  
"We'll storm the A.I.A. Bastille!" Jane said, getting back into spirit.  
"I am Jean Valjean!"  
"No, you're Saint-Just."  
"Someone has to be Jean Valjean.""I want to be C...C..." said Catlin."Cossette?""Yes."  
"But you're a counter revolutionarily. You can't be anything. I'm going to set up the Committee of Public Safety immediately. Go find me some angry men without pants..."  
  
Fin...  
  
(Big Brother is watching! Write a review!)


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